This Mistake Cost Me 10 Years of My Life (And How I Found My Way Back to Myself)

Building your identity around your career seems harmless—admirable, even. It’s what we’re taught to do from the moment we’re asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” We’re not encouraged to explore who we are, but rather what we’ll do. And over time, that question silently morphs into a belief: I am what I do.

That belief cost me ten years of my life.

When Work Becomes Who You Are

It’s easy to blur the line between your job and your identity, especially in a culture that equates productivity with worth. I once proudly wore my job title like armor, feeling it gave me value and worth.

But life doesn’t care about your carefully crafted plans. The economy shifts. Interests evolve. Companies restructure. Sometimes burnout shows up like a wrecking ball you didn’t see coming.

And when that happened to me—when I had to walk away from the career I chose—I realized I didn’t know who I was without it.

I wasn’t just unemployed. I was untethered.

What was left after my job disappeared? A shell of a person who had invested everything into being “useful” and “successful,” only to wake up unsure of what I truly valued, wanted, or even liked.

Identity Foreclosure: When the Mask Becomes the Face

What I was experiencing is a concept psychologists call identity foreclosure—a term describing when a person commits to an identity (often in adolescence) without exploring other options. It’s like putting on a mask so early and wearing it so long that you forget it isn’t your face.

And corporate America loves this. Employers benefit when you define yourself by your job—it makes you easier to control, more willing to overextend, and more likely to stay out of guilt or fear. 

But when your entire identity is locked in one box, any threat to that box feels like a threat to your existence.

You’re Not Alone—You’re Normal

If you’re going through this, know that you’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’re not even unusual.

In fact, the average person will change jobs 12 times in their life. And increasingly, people are making entire career shifts every 5–10 years.

Yet we still cling to the outdated myth that we should have it all figured out by the time we enter college and never change direction again.

It’s no wonder so many of us feel like failures when the inevitable happens.

Making My Job What I Did, Not Who I Was

It took me a decade to unlearn the belief that my worth was tied to my output. A decade trying to understand who I am when no one is watching. To find joy in simply being a human—not a worker, not a cog, not a label.

Now I help others do the same.

I help people reclaim the parts of themselves that got buried under expectations. People who feel lost, discarded, or stuck because their career no longer fits—and think that means they no longer fit.

Here’s the truth: Your worth didn’t disappear with your job title. Your value isn’t tied to your paycheck. And your identity is far too complex, too beautiful, too human to be reduced to a resume.

A New Way Forward

If you’re in that in-between space right now—after the unraveling but before the rebuild—know this:

You’re not in crisis; You’re in transformation.

Keep going. Ask hard questions. Try on new roles. Get playful with who you are and who you might become.

Follow along here for tools, mindset shifts, and reflections that will help you break free from the career-identity trap—and start building a life. But this time, on your terms.